Russia Gives No Fucks: One More Reason Why We All Know This Statement To Be True

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Yesterday, the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) released a report by Dr. Richard McLaren who investigated claims made by Grigory Rodchenkov, the former head of Russia’s National Anti-Doping Laboratory, that he doped many athletes at the Sochi games in 2014. Rodchenkov allegedly said that this was part of an elaborate scheme by the Russian government to use their host status to avoid drug testing during the games.

Now, the International Olympic Committee is deciding if they should ban all Russian athletes planning to participate in the Rio olympics this summer. The IOC is already banning the Russian sports minister who said there were “no state doping schemes in Russia”.

Jeezus Russia. Cheating and then blatantly lying about it. Every Russian source you hear makes it sound like the world is framing them. No, we just know that it’s a little too convenient that you won the medal count when you hosted the whole event.

Then Putin comes out and says that this was a political decision that was driven by the United States. But then he said Russia would ban those in the report and then complete their own investigation. Of-fucking-course. He knows that McLaren’s report only scratched the surface, so he’ll cut his losses and then do his own “investigation” (probably cutting out the tongue of the guy that squealed). Putin is the classic villain you can’t exactly root for, but you respect his balls. This is just what he does. Throwback to when he strolled into a Russian youth camp and tried to bend a frying pan in half after scaling a rock-climbing wall in khakis to show that he was still fit to be the Prime Minister in 2012. It doesn’t even matter if he bent the pan, the guy looks like a boss for trying. Power moves only.

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