Edward Snowden Pulls The Most Butt-Hurt Move Ever

snowden

Quick Recap: Edward Snowden was a Subcontractor for the National Security Association back in 2013, before anyone knew he was a little bitch and a whistle-blower. He finds out that the NSA is spying on the American people (no shit) and then flies to Hong Kong to release thousands of NSA documents revealing this. Then he went to Russia and is currently hiding out there.

I get it, no one wants Big Brother watching over their shoulder, but we all kind of accept that it’s necessary for the government to do some sort of surveillance (If someone is planning on killing people and researching it on Google, I’m okay with Uncle Sam picking up on this).

But Snowden handled this like such a pussy. If you really have a problem with it, then escalate it to the right people. Get in front of Obama and say “I don’t like this” and if that doesn’t work, then do what he did. But he just instantly peaces out. Also, before he left, he contacted a documentary filmmaker to record his discoveries. So this dude is gonna rat on his government, fine, but then he is trying to make himself famous? If he was that concerned about stopping the surveillance, wouldn’t he have released it right away, instead of wasting time and people’s privacy by making a movie about himself.

That’s only the start. Now he’s working with an MIT lab researcher to make a device that can protect journalists’ smartphones from the government. Fuck. This. Guy. So butt-hurt about his charges from the Department of Justice (he violated the Espionage Act of 1917) that he needs to make extra-fucking-sure that the government stops looking at people’s shit. Well guess what Snowden, you think you are magically going to make this technology available to only journalists? No, the wrong people are going to start using it, and you are going to do more harm than good.

We got his point, so we don’t need Snowden still trying to whore for attention. Is the government watching my phone? I don’t know, probably, but guess how much it affects me if they do? Zero. Because I’m not trying to kill people. Also now that he is in Russia, you think the Russian’s aren’t spying on his shit? So that means they can get a hold of this technology that he is helping to create, which means we won’t be able to spy on the Russians. Spying on the Russians is an American pastime greater than baseball, binge-watching TV, and hell, even obesity. So don’t take that away from me Snowden you fuck.

Can a Robot Mend a Lonely Heart?

us-it-internet-robot-sex.jpg

 

Probably, but a few scientists are thinking otherwise…

“Today’s erotic dolls are passive, making them the sex toy equivalent of the flip phone. But thanks to virtual reality and hardware that plugs into phones, the latest sex toys can redefine the meaning of “long-distance relationships” while others can take humans almost completely out of the sexual equation.

For some men, the dolls are a “transition”, she says — “a way to get comfortable with the female body and then build confidence enough to approach a real woman.'”

“[Artificial intelligence] could open the hearts of men and women,” says Justine Cassell, an AI expert and associate dean at Carnegie Mellon. “[That] might offer transitional stages between being entirely closed down and being able to feel emotion.””

Don’t know about you guys but the last thing I experience when I’m flying solo is emotion. Sock on my dick, cracked-out eyes glued to Peta Jensen’s gaping asshole, I’m definitely not in my most intimate state. And that’s mid J.O.  Forget about the aftermath – you aren’t finding any emotion in that downward spiral of self-loathing and general despair.

So if a regular old tug can make me feel like a piece of shit, I don’t even want to know what post-robot sex feels like. Gotta be depressing as fuck. Taking off the virtual reality goggles, unstrapping the latex apparatus from your body and then attempting to clean it out, only to realize you can’t because your sink is full of dishes. I’d probably off myself on the spot.

My point is, these robots aren’t going to do shit about curing intimacy problems in sex. They’re probably just making things worse.  They’ll take that rock-bottom feeling and multiply it by 1000, putting me in the absolute worst mental position to “build confidence and approach a real women”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably still would though.